I haven't been listening for a long time now. I don't know if I ever did. Well, maybe I have listened, but never listened from the source that truly matters.
Me. I never listened to me.
I have, for so long now, listened and obeyed. To the best of my abilities. And I have failed, with the best of intentions. And good intentions or not, I am so tired of failing at things that I never wanted to succeed in anyways.
I want to live another life. I mean, I am so blessed, in so many ways, but one thing has constantly evaded my grasp- freedom. Freedom to do as I please, to make my own mistakes, to learn my own lessons. Because my failures- they are me failing at another's dream. So I am left to wonder- are these my failures? Or theirs? Are these the failed attempts of trying to make me become another nine to five, well paid, white-picket fence person? There would be security, for sure. But the happiness.....the happiness...will I be happy?
I don't want to know what tomorrow brings. I don't want to be sure. This may seem crazy, but....I want faith. I want a chance to use faith. Because security with faithlessness.....it's not enough. It's secure- but it's empty. I'm empty.
So now, I am listening to myself, and my heart. World, do your worst. I will fight back. I will be happy. And forever, I will have faith.
Previous PostsI'm Listening, posted December 26th, 2012
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